about a year ago, we were visiting friends and their new baby, and an art piece on their wall caught my husband’s eye. it read: “the XXX family, est. 2010.” it’s a really pretty wooden piece that my girlfriend found on etsy. later that day, he remarked to me that he liked it and would love one for our house.

here’s the thing – and it’s a carrie bradshaw-esque question for the ages that i implore you to read in the style of carrie, close up on her computer monitor – (sidebar, am I using the correct punctuation here?)

are you a family if you don’t have any children?

i’d like to think yes. just because it’s me & b, sans children, we are a family. i took his name when we got married. we are one (which is the cheesiest shit you will ever see me write here), therefore we are a family.

i think the one question we both hate the most is “so when are you having kids?” it’s a question we don’t get as much anymore, but i know there are theories out there as to why/what/how and i’m going to be incredibly candid.

what i *really* want to say when people ask me is “it’s none of your damn business, actually.” but i don’t. we aren’t sure if we want kids. that DOES NOT make us assholes. kids are pretty permanent. more permanent than a tattoo. and for some when i say “i simply changed my mind on the kids thing,” they take a step back as if i’m about to get struck by some sort of fireball because i said i didn’t want a child. it’s OK to change one’s mind. sure, one day i thought i would have my 2.5 kids and a yard and all of that other stuff you’re “supposed” to do when you are married. if you know me well, you know i rarely do what i’m supposed to do. i do my own thing. i march to my own insane beat (which is a mix of michael jackson, dee-lite, dave matthews band, and donna summer).

a few things i’ve heard before:

  • “that’s selfish” (how?)
  • “you don’t KNOW love until you have a baby” (i’m pretty sure i know love. see also: mom, dad, my sister, my two perfect nieces, my brother-in-law. oh yea, and my HUSBAND.)
  • “do you know how many women can’t have children, and you are perfectly healthy and can have a child. that’s selfish” (again, huh?)
  • “what’s the point of being married if you aren’t having kids?” (um, i don’t know…because we wanted to be married to experience life together?)
  • “what’s wrong with you?” (nothing.)
  • “ohhh, you keep trying and you can’t?” (nope. nope nope nope.)
  • “you better get alllll that travel in now because when you have a kid, it’s over!” (thanks, i’ll keep that in mind.)

because i am not/might not wanna be a mom does NOT mean the following:

  • i don’t like children
  • i don’t have anything in common with my lady friends who do have children (although that is true for some, but most definitely not on me)
  • i do not have motherly instincts
  • i am a cold-hearted bitch

so for now, as i fill my pinterest board with fun things i aspire to have in the house we are hopefully buying in the next 7 months, one of those things will DEFINITELY be a “parks family, established 2010” sign. hell, maybe i’ll craft one with some reclaimed wood. i have a ton of extra crafting time on my hands.


i found this awesome list on Helene In Between, and it explains basically everything I’ve been feeling. Read it here.


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