less than 12 hours until the new year!!!!!! and really, tomorrow is going to feel kind of like today, but maybe with a hangover sprinkled in somewhere. just like when the first question after 12/4/10 was “so, how’s married life?!?!” my answer was “kinda the same as non-married life, really.” and that was 1000% true.
the year has been quite remarkable, and i’ve learned a lot. here are some of my biggest lessons:
1. i am stronger than i think. this year i overcame some major things. i stopped “should-ing” on myself and wiped my dirty life lens off. i’m moving on with better clarity, and i’m forgiving myself for all of the self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-destruction (which is the sum of self-doubt and self-loathing).
2. i’ve always had flair. and at one point, i also looked good in hats. now, not so much. this photo was taken at Christmas in 1987 when I was 10.
3. there is so much more to see in this country. this year i added los angeles, atlanta, la jolla and san jose to the list of “first time visit” cities. while i didn’t love los angeles proper, i did love beverly hills and santa monica. our dinner at ink. was the best meal i’ve ever had. san jose was a business trip and it was a beautiful city. atlanta was also a business trip, but i don’t get the appeal of atlanta. it was just ok. there was nothing about it that made me feel like i was in more of just a generic city (similar to how i feel about pittsburgh. sorry, pittsburgh.) but the time i spent visiting with kim and eddie was awesome. that was worth the trip to atlanta.
a highlight from our LA trip was visiting Betty White’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, while brian got hustled by some dude collecting money for “charity.” (sorry, sweetheart)
ireland was amazing. we visited doolin, killarney, dingle, and kilkenny on top of cork & dublin (where we had previously visited). i cannot wait to go back.
4. what will be, will be. i’ve stopped trying to control every single aspect of my life. i can’t. i’ve learned to let go and let God. and seriously, if nothing else taught me this, the process of buying a new home has.
5. i CAN care less. i’m finally comfortable in my own skin (after 37 years) that i’ve stopped caring about what others think of me. i’ve stopped caring about why a friendship ended for absolutely zero reason 4 years ago. i know that i did nothing to end it (and please do not even try to argue the contrary…), nor could i have done anything to save it. and i am at peace with it. i’m also at peace with knowing that in events that lead to two other friendships ending during that process, the truth of what happened will come out one day. how one person could put so much effort into concocting fake email hacks, and building up a wealth of lies to get someone to stop being my friend is baffling. who seriously has time for that? i know the truth. God knows the truth. and that’s good enough for me, because i do not need any more crazy in my life. and that is the only word i will ever publish on this blog about that. if you want to talk to me about it, you know how to reach me. i welcome the conversation.
6. despite what WebMD might say, i am not dying. i’ve learned to stop googling every damn issue i have and just ask Tricia first. my shoulder hurting doesn’t mean i have bone cancer.
7. i am worthy. that explains itself, really.
cheers to a new year everyone. i cannot wait.